On Failing and Loving Still

“Will you still love me if I fail?”

On Failing and Loving Still

Last week, my youngest son sat beside me with a forlorn face, and asked in a sad voice:

“Mommy… if I fail, will you still love me?”

He’s in sixth grade and he’d just finished taking a Math exam.

At first, it seemed funny to hear him ask that over an elementary Math exam of 40 or so items. But if one would look closer into the mind of a child, it goes deeper than that.

I think all of us, as children, crave for our parents’ approval and have always been anxious not to fail on their expectations of us.

So, whenever we fall short of any endeavor, we want to be reassured that their love for us remains, despite our failure.

I know this because I myself craved for my parents’ approval and appreciation since I was a child. I think I still do, even though they’re not here with me anymore, and even in my advanced age. In every achievement, there’s a small child inside me wishing that I’d made my parents proud.

It’s one of life’s greatest ironies. Every one of us is our parents’ child– always and forever. We mature, we age, we become parents ourselves. But we never  outgrow being a child to our own parents.

On Loving Without Fail

I hugged my youngest son as my response to his question and whispered to his ear: “Of course, I will. I will always love you, no matter what.”

His sweet smile told me in not so many words how my reassurance brought him immense joy. But it not only did that. 

That small gesture also reminded me how important my words were to my son. He needed me. He needed my approval and appreciation of him, and I was glad I was able to give them to him at a time he needed them the most.

There are some truths my son might not realize yet, but I know he would in the future:

That he will not stop being my child when he grew up; and that I will always be his mother, rooting for him, no matter what–until my last breath.

Here is a poem I read in a Facebook Page which I find so relatable about this topic on failing and loving still, and I’m quoting it here:
 
“I pray, you know.
At the end of the day, when your sweet head rests upon your pillow.
As your heavy eyes flutter closed.
Once your body finally settles and dreams begin to dance in your precious mind.
I pray, you know.
I pray, you know that, no matter what our day might’ve held, my love for you never wavers.
I pray, you know that, while it certainly might not seem it, I’m giving you my all.
My best.
Everything I can.
I pray, you know that, when you mess up, you can run to me. My arms will always be wide open.
I pray, you know that I’m so insanely proud of who you’re becoming.
I pray, you know that I will always be your biggest cheerleader.
I pray, you know that, when I seem frustrated by your choices, it’s simply because I only want the very best for you.
I pray, you know that you are my dream come true. You’re such a gift.
I pray, you know that, while I mess up far too often, I’m trying my darnedest to be the mama you deserve.
I pray, you know that, at the end of the day, when my head rests upon my pillow.
As my heavy eyes flutter closed.
Once my body finally settles and our day together replays in my weary mind.
There is absolutely nothing I love more than being your mom.”

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Renzo's Rainbow front cover

Renzo's Rainbow: A Children's Illustrated Book

When the skies are bare and a rainbow isn’t there, how do you find one? In this beautiful, touching story of Grandpa Choy and little Renzo, discover how a child’s persistent search for a rainbow led to an invaluable message of love and hope that will melt your heart and lift your spirit. Featuring the breathtaking island of Batanes in the Philippines and lovable Filipino characters, this book teaches us that when we need a rainbow to cheer us up, it may not always be up in the skies. It may be much nearer than we think.

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